THEM
A house is supposed to be a safe, sane sanctuary from the evil and insanity relentlessly lurking around every corner of the outside world.
However, hearing eerily unnatural sounds and witnessing uncanny otherworldly phenomenon (especially at night, right next to your bedroom) can be an extremely unsettling and terrifyingly traumatic experience, especially as a child.
In the case of KING DIAMOND’s 3rd studio shock opera, “THEM”, the house of Amon (just like Grandma) is anything but safe or sane.
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“THEM” is an even more bloodcurdling, terrifying example of the vividly cinematic, spine-tingling ghost story telling style masterfully executed on “Abigail”, The King’s previous release, which recounts a chilling and disturbingly horrific tale about his criminally insane grandmother who returns home after a long stay at an insane asylum to reconnect with her supernatural, demonic “friends” from darker dimensions over a pot of unholy tea. In short, “THEM” is analogous to “The Exorcist”: a haunting, timeless horror classic that has yet to be matched or surpassed.
Released 18 July 1988 (Europe), 13 Sept 1988 (USA)
Recorded 1988
Label Roadrunner
Producer King Diamond, Roberto Falcao
Tracks
1. "Out from the Asylum"
2. "Welcome Home"
3. "The Invisible Guests"
4. "Tea"
5. "Mother's Getting Weaker"
6. "Bye, Bye Missy”
7. "A Broken Spell”
8. "The Accusation Chair"
9. "Them”
10. "Twilight Symphony"
11. "Coming Home"
King Diamond – vocals, keyboards
Andy LaRocque – guitar
Pete Blakk – guitar
Hal Patino – bass
Mikkey Dee – drums
Roberto Falcao – keyboards
It's time to “put down the Denmarkian hash” and confirm that the loudness button is engaged in order to “embrace the fullness” of the “all-inclusive” paranormal pronoun madness that will ensue after you survive a “fist to the taint”, pour yourself a cup of tea and JOIN US for a dive into the pinnacle of horror metal which we all hope and pray Tim Burton one day makes into a major motion picture: KING DIAMOND’s majestically macabre masterpiece: “THEM”.
OUT FROM THE ASYLUM:
The light is on in the vacant, empty, attic room and “THEY” are discussing the arrival of “THEIR” old friend who’s spent many a night in an insane asylum. It would seem that Grandma’s “tea” is some of the best there is, and “THEY” all really enjoy it as “THEY” are seemingly addicted to it.
Y’know, we’re never told Grandma’s actual name, but it makes you wonder if it might be Miriam…or Abigail.
Hmmm…
“Oh, she’s pretending as always. But she does make a good cup of tea…”
WELCOME HOME:
“The old bitch is back” and it’s about to get ultra-creepy and utterly insane inside the house of Amon (Amon meaning “The hidden one”, i.e., “THEM”). Can you imagine bringing your haunted, insane grandmother back to the haunted, insane house where she regularly holds court with demonic, supernatural entities from other, darker dimensions? And HOW exactly does she sleep without a bed? Rocking chairs are not the most comfortable things to doze off in, but Grandma clearly isn’t too concerned with anyone’s “comfort” as she is just glad to be back with “THEM” in the attic of the old house. As we’ve seen throughout recent history, you shouldn’t ask too many questions as it’s likely to get you in a heap of trouble (or worse!).
“How strange…she’s spoken no word…I wonder Grandma…are you alright?”
THE INVISIBLE GUESTS:
Now that Grandma is getting reacquainted with her supernatural, “all inclusive”, spirit friends (“THEM”), young King begins to figure out that Grandma is conversing with “THEM” and “drinking” tea (which “THEY” are enjoying as well, by making a tremendous mess and unwittingly pouring tea all over the floor. Apparently ”THEY” are some rude and sloppy house demons).
Grandma doesn’t seem to mind King’s curiosity and sees him as a useful ally to share her murderous secret with and explain everything about “THEM” and the house. Then she places King under her spell to ensure he doesn’t remember anything he’s witnessed while in the presence of Grandma, “THEM”, and all the other insane happenings transpiring inside the attic room.
Besides, how exactly could one possibly go to sleep after witnessing all of that!? Especially knowing you are the only one who knows and even your own mother and sister have no idea what’s actually happening.
“Late that night I awoke from my sleep, hearing unknown voices laughing insane. Grandma was one, oh it’s coming from the room next to mine…”
TEA:
A week passes, and one Friday night as King is getting ready for bed, Grandma stops by his room to wake him up and give him a tour of the house and explain everything he’d previously witnessed (sort of a reprise to “The Family Ghost” in a way). At this point, Grandma reveals that the “secret ingredient” in her special tea that makes her tea parties the best is HUMAN BLOOD! It would seem that the bloody tea is what gives “THEM” “THEIR” powers.
(In this case, it’s his mother’s blood. For the sake of continuity and thematic effect, let’s just assume that it’s being extracted from his mother’s veins and NOT from one of her pre-used tampons.)
“Wake up King, wake up my dear. I am gonna show you about the house of Amon…”
MOTHER’S GETTING WEAKER:
Apparently blood infused tea is extremely addictive to its consumers and particularly lethal to the key ingredient provider, as there are only so many pots of tea that can be made from the blood of one body. Grandma has cast a spell on Mother to force her to submit to the murderous extraction of her life’s blood for the sake of “THEM” and Grandma’s tea habit.
And then Missy shows up…uh oh! You know you’re fucked when you hand your older brother the phone and beg him to call the authorities for help and he cuts the wire to the phone, showing that he’s not at all bothered by what is happening to his own family.
“Tonight would be the last night that we had our tea. That bloody tea which sent us into ecstasy…”
BYE, BYE MISSY:
By this time, Mother has been completely drained of life and now “THEY” are having a bloody-tea addled blast! Grandma finds Missy at the door, distraught, trying to understand what has happened to her mother. As usual, older insane people don’t much like explaining complicated, supernatural, murderous things to small children, so Grandma comes to the logical conclusion that the most effective method of getting rid of Missy is the fireplace downstairs (I think you can do the math and figure out how things end for Missy). As Missy is trying to fight back against Grandma, she grabs the teapot and destroys it (which is akin to flushing a junky’s drugs down the toilet), ensuring that her fate is sealed, as “THEY” carry her downstairs to the roaring fireplace (in the kitchen) to do away with her on a “permanent” basis.
“We better get rid of her, she’s too young anyway…it was Grandma who spoke…”
A BROKEN SPELL:
The scene in the house has now completely transformed into utter chaos. King finally realizes there’s something horribly wrong as both his mother and sister have been murdered. In a desperate attempt to regain control of his own thoughts and come to his senses, he got out of the house and escaped to the outside, where Grandma’s spell and the influence of “THEM” was far weaker.
How would you react to seeing an axe flying around by itself, chasing you? Pretty fair to say that most of us would also likely pass out from that ordeal (or completely soil ourselves).
Now imagine you’re outside, the spell has evaporated, and you realize that the smoke coming from the chimney is the remnants of your little sister! Surely an overwhelming, horrific sight to behold.
That’s it! It’s time to get even with Grandma!!! Payback’s a bitch, you batshit crazy old witch!
“I went back to see if my grandma was still there, waiting for me in the attic. Oh, I hate that bitch!”
THE ACCUSATION CHAIR:
King has now gone back inside the house and upstairs to the attic room to confront Grandma, tricking her into believing that her spell was still working. When she asks King to take her outside, King realizes that Grandma has now sealed her fate as “THEY” have no power outside of the house. A perfect opportunity for young King to “tenderize” his grandma to death with her own cane and avenge the grisly homicides of his mother and sister.
Clearly, the sight of King slaying Grandma is causing “THEM” to lose “THEIR” collective, otherworldly shit. Safe to say that if King were to go back inside the house at this point, he would be murderized by “THEM” and meet the same grisly fates as his mother and sister.
“So there she was unprotected by ‘THEM’, I grabbed her cane and tore it out of her hand. No way, you’re not going to escape. Now that I’ve got you, here you will pay for your deeds, your sick mind has come to an end now…”
“THEM”:
As King lay unconscious, “THEY” begin invading his mind (and perhaps even, his soul), persuading him and brainwashing him in order to coerce him back inside the house.
The only thing creepier than all of “THEM” laughing in a maniacally, horrifying frenzy, is hearing that music box come to a dead stop at the end.
TWILIGHT SYMPHONY:
The police (and Dr. Landau) have now arrived at the house and begin asking King for an explanation of everything that’s happened. The obvious conclusion the authorities come to is that King is responsible for the deaths of his mother, his sister, AND his grandmother. (BTW, “mad” and “insane” mean the same thing; it just depends on which side of “the pond” you’re on)
Naturally, they don’t believe him, which just goes to show that you can be completely honest with the authorities and if they don’t believe you or opt not to investigate further then you are completely fucked and there’s nothing you can say or do to change it. Off to the sanitarium with you, King. It would seem that as a result of killing his grandmother, “THEY” have now made King “THEIR” connection with the world of the living and the necessary vehicle for providing “THEM” with “THEIR” key tea ingredients.
“Time has caught up with me, and I must leave for the old house. Yes, I must leave now…”
COMING HOME:
King has now returned to the house of Amon, only to find the ghost of his deceased grandmother opening the door for him. Seems like grandma is wanting King to be the next “special ingredient” for the next batch of tea.
“It’s good to see you again, despite what you did to my throat…”
Show Notes:
(00:01): #icing and a #killeropener / “A story about #KISS and #KingDiamond” (Definitely NOT the same!). / ***Go check out our Abigail Dive and our Mercyful Fate Inside the Metal episodes!!!*** “Would you listen to a King Diamond album with nothing but covers by #TheBeeGees?” / #dickandcooze / “Wait a minute, we’re not doing this yet…” / ***WARNING!!! #listenerdiscretionisadvised*** / #thirdepisodeenergy and #spotifycokelinesofgoodness / ***WELCOME BACK TO THE METAL NERDERY PODCAST!!!*** / “Set your expectations and relaxer levels accordingly…” / ***GIVE US A CALL AND LEAVE US A VOICEMAIL AT 980-666-8182!!!*** / #intercoursing and #facefrosting / #shameless #SweetwaterBarAndGrill plug / #standuptragedy and the explanation of “walking a crowd” / #greatidea for #newercomedians / Wield your #cuntlery accordingly! / #KISSASMR and our upcoming #hairmetalspectacular and #TheShroomChronicles /#powerthreesome / #CaptainMorgan #OrangeAndVanilla #takeabreaktoday #thisepisodesclinkyoftheepisode #nostrangersinthetub
(07:50): #thisepisodesbeeroftheepisode (a #donation from the #lovelyandtalented Doro) #CoronaSeltzer #fourpointfivepercentABV #CoronaFrambuesa / “Not gonna drink this in front of my friends…” / A brief explanation of the #ketodiet and #carnivore / #BonerMacBrain #frickthisplace #cack / #PreDocket “Is this ‘They’ or ‘Them’?” (We’re not sure, but King was way ahead of the curve in terms of being #inclusive of everyone) / “Them” relative to “Abigail” and a perfectly appropriate analogy / #smarttits / NOTE: Sanitoriums and/or sanitariums were done away with in the 1950’s, btw / (Oh yeah…#TheDocket: King Diamond’s THEM) / #KingDiamondIsMercyfulFate #MercyfulFateIsKingDiamond / A different vibe from Abigail… #timeless / “When did they get rid of sanitariums?” / #tuckandroll / The fancy word you’re looking for is #anachronistic
(14:15): The plot of the story of “Them” (and an excellent #hauntedhousestory and also an excellent #hauntedapartmentstory) / #RussellsReflections regarding #Amon and #TheHouse and the basic plot of the story. / “Is #bloodletting covered on my #healthcareplan?” #StephenKingDiamond is a great name for a metal band / “A new strain of weed” / OUT FROM THE ASYLUM #itsmarked #creepyASMR (That’s “Them” talking…) #housedemons / WELCOME HOME (power metal vibes) #grandma #guitarsoloASMR / Production quality vs the previous album #mediumbone / #roosterreference / Grandma’s back home with “Them”
(22:38): Now it’s time for Grandma to get reacquainted with “Them” and catch-up #voiceoverASMR / THE INVISIBLE GUESTS #YvilYngwie / “If “Them” had the “Abigail” mix (and/or some #loudness), it would have been 100% completely perfect. / #moreproductioncritiques and an incredibly weird #BlackAlbumReference and a moment of #AndJusticeForAllRemix #backwards #tangentionalality #startingsomeshitahASMR /#offensive and #tremendous / TEA with some #extrabloodyingredients #timefortea (and time to get #waltzy) #vividlyricalimagery
(29:26): “is #TimBurton perhaps influenced by #KingDiamond?” / #bolth #Abigail and #Them would be #killerhorrormovieideas / #DungeonsAndDudes MOTHER’S GETTING WEAKER #disturbingvocalmelodies / More weird analogies… “A punk element to the lyrics for the sake of the story” #noteven / BYE, BYE MISSY #notthesameone #loudnessbutton / “This is King Diamond’s ‘…And Justice for All’ album/mix.” / “When’s it gonna feel full?” and completely #filledout?” (Like “Ghosts of War” before it really kicks in) / “Has anyone ever been hit in the taint?” / #cricketsASMR
(39:00): A BROKEN SPELL (Go outside and get some fresh air…and get away from “Them”) #oldbat #brokenteapot #imagery #waitforit #creepyacousticpart / The reason to be crystal clear-headed when mixing an album (No #DenmarkianHash allowed) #dontdenythepowerof / THE ACCUSATION CHAIR (Time to take Grandma “out”) / #creepyasfuckASMR / #laryngitisunleashed ***GO BUY OUR SHIT AT metalnerdery.com/merch ***)
(47:28): “THEM” #instrumental #dissonance #heavy #nolaughingmatter / What did you think when YOU first heard “Them”? / #KingDiamond is his own #genre / #YouTube recommended viewing ***Also, go check out and #subscribe to #MetalNerderyMunchies on the YOU-TUBE!!!*** / TWILIGHT SYMPHONY (Great, now the cops are here…) / “How could I ever, EVER explain!?” / The last track… Grandma’s back…from the grave
(52:41): COMING HOME (a creepier Twilight Zone) /#again If you’re #noteven a fan of #horror and/or #metal then you may not dig this album or #TheKing that much / The only change would be to make everything else #louder; the tracking is perfect. / #topofthemountain / “Them” is like #TheExorcist of metal / And now, another #foodanalogy regarding #meatcandy and #AbigailVsThem / “I love it, so I can’t hate it…” / #nocontest / THANK YOU ALL FOR JOINING US FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF METAL NERDERY PODCAST!!! / #taintscraintler / Come visit us at the #bunkerpoongiftshoppe / #beardfrosting #theoutroreel #totalbone #fullness #hehahuh #LongLiveMetalNerdery